Friday, October 22, 2010

God rocked my morning with a pink piece of paper.

I sat at my kitchen table early this morning before the sun had even thought about peeking his head above the horizon.  Hazelnut coffee steaming invitingly, I sipped and folded my bible open. I read a verse or two, and just looked up and sighed. I felt such a gap between Him and myself.
When it comes to God I'm kind of like a child.  You know when a toddler is in that stage of being taught to sleep in his own bed instead of sleeping in between mom and dad in their room?  Sometimes in the middle of the night the child reaches out his little arm to pat around, feeling to make sure that mom and dad are still there, and that he hasn't been carried into his own room after he'd fallen asleep. 

That's me.  When I prepare myself to get into the Word or to begin praying, that's my spirit's way of patting around, making sure that God is within an arm's distance.  When I can't feel Him near, I know it's time to sit up and start calling "Daaaaddy...."  And this morning I just wasn't feeling Him.  I can't take that for very long.  I began asking Him specifically, "God, I want to SEE You today. I want to know Your voice more surely, please invite me into an intimate circle with You. Enhance my imagination so I can picture You more clearly and I can go there with You in Scripture. Bottom line  Lord, speeeak to me!"Reader, can I be honest with you for a second, and bear a little bit of my soul with you?  Last night I saw that I'm still being effected by wounds in my life that I thought I'd healed from.  I mean, I really thought I was over the phase of that hurt effecting me deeply.  I guess it's kind of like when you break your leg.  Even over time when it seems to have mended and you haven't limped for years, something will hit you in just the right place and you find yourself on crutches for a week.
Well my once-broken heart has been hit in just the right place over the last two weeks.  God has done some significant mending and we've been making MUCH progress in the healing process together, but this minor jolt has torn some stitches.  My "walking with a limp" is coming in the form of shutting off access to my heart.  That natural response to hold people at an arm's distance to keep from getting hurt again is a doozie. 

I have a pink piece of paper in my bible.  It is a "love letter from God", with words written on it as if it were addressed to me from Him. I've had it for a long time, and every so often I take it out and read it.  Remember that I told you today that I asked God to speak to me?  You may or may not know that I'm recovering from an ugly broken engagement, and I have lost two good friends this year.  My heart has been dragged through a considerable amount of crap. haha.  I won't read you the whole letter, 'cause quite frankly, it's mine. And I don't want to throw out a very intimate piece of me and God's personal life out there for everyone to enjoy. I'm stingy with this letter. But there are a few lines that I feel I have to share, just so you can see how good He treats me. :) Look what my sweet Husband tells me:

"I will awaken you in the still hours to speak to you. Meet Me there. I will trade your ashes in for beauty, and make you a display of My glory. Do not fear, for I am with you. I will make your crooked paths straight, and redeem your mistakes. Trust in Me and My hope will not disappoint."
God woke me in the still hours this morning, and He lead me to a place where He spoke words of comfort. Beloved brother or sister reading this, HEAR ME CLEARLY:  Your heart is safe in His hand. You can let others in, and EVEN BE HURT BY THEM and God will meet you there.  We are beckoned out to partake in such an exhilarating adventure of fatih, trust, hope, hurt and redemption.  We'd be fools to miss it just because we were afraid of the risks.  We aren't wimps are we? The joy of loving and being loved is worth the risk.  It's okay. Let God show you right this very second where you still need healing.  THEN, let Him go there.  Let Him see it, and be willing to go on an intentional voyage of restoration. 
This is a beautiful thing:

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